I am Reborn!

"You gain STRENGTH, COURAGE, and CONFIDENCE by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." Eleanor Roosevelt

Until recently I was never able to look fear in the face. I did not have strength, courage, or confidence. I would always give in to fear, insecurity, doubt, depression, food, and so much more.  I was always giving in and doing what I thought others wanted me to do. Focusing so much on what other people thought consumed much of my life. I was so insecure, unhappy, and sad on the inside, but I had to put on a smile in order to make family and friends believe I was happy. I wanted so badly for that faux smile to be a real smile.

Here is a little background info for you:  I have been involved in sports my whole life. I was a three sport athlete in high school and continued to play soccer at a D-I college.  Because of this, I always "maintained" a decent weight, but it was never good enough and it was never where I wanted to be. I always felt short and stubby. Throughout my life, I've had minor run-ins with eating disorders, but never anything serious enough to do anything about.  This cycle continued until two years ago when I decided I was sick of not being happy and decided to take my body to the next level. I foolishly decided to compete in a figure competition.  I say "foolishly" because it did not have the affect I had hoped for; it actually backfired on me.

I competed in two competitions, and I felt amazing. I was lean, and I felt pretty and feminine.  Not feeling feminine had also been a huge challenge for me.  All I ever wanted was to feel beautiful and feminine, and up until I stepped on that stage, I had never experienced that feeling. I placed 2nd to a woman who was already a pro, which qualified me for pro status. I was on cloud 9. But the entire process was grueling, and a week after I stepped off that stage I blew up like a balloon and was even worse off than before I started training for the competition. I kept telling myself I was going to train again and I was going to get back to the way I was, but I failed every time. I was a mess, both mentally and physically. I just couldn't get to where I wanted to be.

After my competitions I worked out at your every day gym, but I was still having the hardest time staying on track, and I definitely wasn't eating the way I should. I was so frustrated, pissed off, and sick of busting my ass. I didn't know what to do, and walked around like a complete idiot feeling hopeless. My depression was so bad I hated seeing people because I didn't want them to talk about how fat I had become and how I was once an athlete and figure competitor.  I think in some ways that is why I decided to move out of my small town. It sucked, I hated life, and no one really knew how I felt inside because I always felt I had to appear happy, strong and confident.

Then finally my breakthrough came in the form of CrossFit Round Rock! I walked in thar door 3 1/2 months ago and will never be the same. Not only are the workouts bad ass, challenging, amazing, and awesome, I have met so many wonderful people. CFRR is not just a gym, or just a box, or just CrossFit; CFRR is a family and everyone there strives to help make you the best person you can be. I have been empowered by the women at CFRR and I can finally say I am happy with not only who I am, but the way I look. I won't lie to you or myself and say every day is perfect, but I will say I have never, ever, ever been as happy as I am today with myself and who I am becoming.


The moral of this long story is THIS:  find something worth fighting for, find your happiness, and look fear in the face and laugh at it. Don't just sit around and wait for it to happen. Be able to have STRENGTH, COURAGE, and CONFIDENCE. Once you find your happiness, hold onto it, don't let it go, and continue to work at it. Life is too short and we have to make the best of it and live it to the fullest. I have fallen several times, but I got back up every time and finally this time I am standing my ground.  Will you???